I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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