I puked a lego.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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