I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
