Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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