Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
