In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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