It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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