I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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