I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
