I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When did angry sex become our thing?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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