woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
