Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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