Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
