I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
