What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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