I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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