due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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