hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
