I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
