a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
