why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Never underestimate the power of titties
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
