Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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