u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can you bring me the toilet please
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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