I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
