Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
