sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
