you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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