Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
