If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
