"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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