its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
