you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
