Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
