she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
