there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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