I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's the barista slut.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
