i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
