You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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