The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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