i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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