I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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