She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
