I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
