I skipped work to stalk him.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
