I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
