What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
