you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
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When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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