I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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