On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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