This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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