Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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