Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
