I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
