You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize