I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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