no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
