it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
