can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
