Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
