First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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