Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
