mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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