Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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