glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
