After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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