i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
