Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
