At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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