Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
