There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
