I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it hurts more in the daytime
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
